The Autism Spectrum

I met with the school psychologist and the social worker yesterday. According to a screening questionnaire I filled out, and the teacher filled out, Drew falls somewhere on the autism spectrum.

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

This is not a diagnostic tool. This is not a medical diagnosis. It's just a screen to see what his needs are and what he needs to work on. But I have been suspecting this for many years now, with only a few people agreeing with me, and most people thinking that I am imagining things or blowing things out of proportion. I have been on the fence myself for many years, because there are times when things can go so well for so long that I am lulled into thinking things are just peachy.

But he is getting older, and things are becoming more obvious. The days when I am driven to tears out of frustration and stress, the things in the house that are being destroyed, have increased. His list called Things That I Am Willing to Eat has shrunk considerably. Macaroni and cheese? Only the spiral kind. Popcorn? Only from the local movie theater. I believe that he would starve himself to death before trying something that does not meet his criteria. Violent outbursts have become scary. Social situations have become a nightmare.

The thing is, everything at school is going really well. The teacher has seen nothing out of the ordinary. Other than getting in trouble for biting a child, he has not had many problems at school. His grades are outstanding. He doesn't have many friends, and he pretty much keeps to himself, but he seems to be able to cope as long as he has a structured, scheduled day.

I have a few tools that I am trying with him. For years, I have attempted to parent him the same way I parent the other two, and it has never, ever worked. I need to change my way of thinking about him. When we leave the house to go somewhere, I outline to him every single move that we are going to make, and tell him every single thing that is going to happen. I need to work with him on how to calm himself down, and how to cope when there is that one tiny little speed bump in his life. I am not yet sure what to do, but that's what I need to do to help him. The school psych and social worker are going to meet with him regularly and do some work on social skills, as well as coping and self-soothing.

We shall see if things improve. Right now we are in one of those lulls, and everything is pretty much peachy. But I know that there will be bad episodes again. I want to do whatever I can to prevent those, keep them from escalating, and help Drew get through it.

What can I do for him? How can I make his life easier? How can I give him the support he needs to get through this? What will his future be like? I will do anything for him. He is the sweetest little boy, and it hurts me terribly when he is upset and struggling.

I need to just think about this one day at a time. I am not a structured person; I enjoy unplanned free time and I am a bit spontaneous. It's a stretch for me to make out a schedule for a kid who needs structured time. But I am working on this.

I would really like to talk to some other mothers who are dealing with similar things. I'm off to find some...