Conspiracy Theory

I think the kids and the dog are working together to drive me crazy. They seem to be working awfully hard at it, as well. And since Garrett is the oldest, I believe that he is the ringleader in all of this. I believe their most recent meeting went something like this:

Garrett: "Okay, guys we're doing great. Mom is really starting to spiral. I have seen her crying at really stupid things on TV that she usually doesn't cry at. Dad is going to be gone this weekend so this is our chance.

Grace- Keep up with that whining thing. Mom hates that. And don't let her leave your sight. Stay right on top of her at all times. Do NOT forget that. Also, and this is very important, leave your giant teddy bear on the living room floor for Marley to get to.

Drew, what are you gonna do?"

Drew: "I'm going to turn on the ceiling fan in the living room, throw a scarf up there, and make sure it gets wound around there so tight that it stops the fan from moving. I will make sure the scarf is touching the hot light bulb. Then I am going to jump on the chair until I make a hole in the wall for the third, maybe fourth time, I can't really remember. Oh, and when I eat and drink in the living room, my garbage and empty pop cans will all get stuffed behind the couch."

Garrett: "Good, real good. I'm going to have Grace spin me around in the computer chair because mom hates that. I will make sure to scream really loud while I do it, and to have Marley bark at me for about an hour."

Grace: "I have an idea! I can let Marley into the garage so he can dig in the garbage, chew it all up and spread it all around the yard and driveway."

Garrett: "Perfect. Oh, and Marley - the bear is in the living room. Go to town. Make sure you chew it up to complete shreds. I don't want Mom to be able to see one inch of that living room floor. Cover it up good with all that stuffing."

Marley: Nothing. He's already having violent sex with the giant teddy bear.

*None of this has been made up or exaggerated in any way.