Overwhelmed

Yesterday instead of getting things done around the house I took the kids to see my mom. I gave her her Mother's Day gift (the usual, a hanging basket of fuchsias) and she gave me my birthday card and $20. We got food to eat and headed to a really nice park. While we ate, Grace walked around picking dandelions for me. She has been in a real food rut lately- she just barely picks at stuff, but wants to eat little bits of everything all day long. It's VERY rare that she just sits down and eats an entire meal anymore. But I digress...after eating the kids played at the playground, and it was a beautiful day. I then got groceries, headed home to put them away, then to my brother's house for a local town celebration. Really it's just an excuse for all of us to get together, eat, drink alcoholic beverages, and talk. But that's okay. You just can't have too many of those days in the summer time.

Now today I am freaking out a little. My house is a disaster. Laundry is piled up like crazy. The kids are hanging all over me. I need to make some pumpkin bars because I promised Todd I would last week and never did. I have rhubarb that needs to go in the freezer. Strawberries were really cheap so I bought a lot of them, and I need to make fruit rolls before they go bad. My desk is such a mess that I can't find anything, and I forgot to sign the kids up for summer rec. sports. I am a month past the deadline, and if they don't allow me to sign them up anyway, the kids are never going to forgive me.

This is the last week of school coming up; we have four-and-a-half days left and I don't know if I can make it. I told my step-mom I might have to do what all the kids think I do and put some brandy in my coffee. By the end of the school year, I have lost all my patience, along with any shred of professionalism I may have had before. My censor gets turned off, I use swear words, I laugh at their dirty jokes, I wear my Beatles t-shirts every day, and sometimes I just get up and walk away, wander the school and try to hide from anyone who might be checking up on me. On Friday I skipped second hour to see Garrett at school for his wax museum project, and one kid yelled at me when I got back to school because he had needed me. I told him, "Yeah, life sucks, doesn't it?" I am not a violent person, and I usually have a ton of patience, but I don't think my brain can take any more last minute "You have to help me, I'm failing English and I need to graduate next week!" bullshit from kids who have done nothing but fuck off all semester.

OK, sorry about that. It's hard to believe that over the summer I will actually miss these kids. But I will.

I just need to take a deep breath. Do whatever I can get done today. I can get through this. And when it's all over on Friday morning at 11, I can come home and get packed for a weekend with my dad and his girlfriend and my sister.

Aaaaahhhhhh summer!!