Abuse

I have never, ever had a job that messed with my emotions so much. I ride a daily roller coaster of absolute, pure joy, laughter, misery, boredom, frustration, depression, anger, irritability, and annoyances.

We have a student who has a diagnosis of ODD - Oppositional Defiance Disorder. How do you deal with that? He's defiant. He doesn't care. He has no respect for any authority whatsoever. He has no respect for anyone. This kid thinks violence is the answer to everything, the normal way people deal with things. He has major anger issues. His parents and home life are a major part of this. I don't know any details, but I don't think it's good.

The thing is, I really care about this kid. No student has ever made me laugh as hard as him. Even though he tells racist jokes to try to piss me off, I thoroughly enjoy working with him. We get things done, and we chat a little, and we laugh. He's smarter than hell. In government class when nobody else would get involved in discussion, he would raise his hand and always have something intelligent to say.

This kid has a girlfriend, and she's cute as a button. None of us can understand why she is with him, when he treats her (and everyone else) so terribly. She says he has a sweet side, and I believe it. I believe he truly cares for her. But he can be so mean...and then last Friday something horrible happened. I missed it because I happened to be picking up another student with the van, but I heard all about it when I arrived. Apparently, this guy became angry about something, and he ended up shoving his girlfriend to the floor, pushing another girl, and threatening another para. He took off. The principal locked all of the doors.

Later that day I was sitting next to her. I didn't know what to say. I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like crying. She was staring out the window. "I'm just afraid he's going to drag me back in," she said.

How could he do that to her? How could he ruin everything in just a few moments of impulse?

I didn't say a freaking word. My head hurt, swimming with memories. How it feels to be trapped, to convince yourself that everything will be okay, to rationalize his behavior. I should have told her to run. I should have told her that nobody deserves to ever be treated like that. I should have said that she has a choice, that she needs to get out now, before it gets even worse. But I know how hard it is to let go.

Today I saw them walking into school, hand in hand.

Oh, man...what next?