When He Was Born (TMI?)

I was so desperate to have a baby. I sacrificed more than you know to become a mother. I had trouble getting pregnant, which only made me more desperate as the months and months passed and this one thing that I wanted so badly, this one thing that came so easily for others, eluded me for so long. I was still so young, and I wonder now why I was in such a hurry. But it all turned out. After running out of money, and the stress taking its toll, we gave up trying to get pregnant. We looked into adoption. Then we made the decision to spend even more money on IVF - But before the appointment, Todd convinced me to take another pregnancy test. I didn't want to, I was sick and tired of taking them and seeing that they were negative. But I did, and it was positive.

Nine months later, after a difficult pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarium (constant puking), heartburn, dizziness, an irritable uterus that contracted constantly starting at 6 months, and bed rest for the final three months, the due date came. I had been to the hospital in false labor three or four times already, so when the time came I was hesitant to go in. It was a Saturday, and Todd and I were home. I sat in the recliner timing the contractions. Todd made lunch but I couldn't eat. The contractions got so bad that I was having trouble timing them. They were about 4-5 minutes apart. "Maybe we should go in," I said.

So we did. When we got there, they weren't in much of a hurry as they were used to seeing me come in. They called my midwife, who was home in bed after being up all night delivering another baby. It took her an hour to get there, and in that hour I thought I might die. I was sweating, I felt like puking, and I could only be slightly comfortable sitting up. The nurse told me the baby didn't like that, and I should lie down. I got angry. I wasn't even in a real room yet, I didn't even know for sure that I was in labor, or how long I had left. I started to rethink my plans for natural childbirth. I started to feel panicky. Finally Susan got there. "I think I need an epidural!" was the first thing that came out of my mouth. She smiled.

"Let's just see how we're doing here."

She checked my cervix and told me I was dilated to 8 cm. GIANT sigh of relief. I could do this, no problem. We got me to a room and I went in the shower. Susan sprayed hot water over my big belly while I sat there, trying to relax and breathe through the contractions. The shower helped a lot and I was in there for a long time. Then I was on the bed, and Todd was there with me. He called my mom and told her we wouldn't be making it over for pizza that night. He mopped my head with a wet washcloth, which annoyed the hell out of me, but I didn't say anything. Within an hour after Susan arriving, it was time to have the baby. In the room was myself, Todd, Susan, a nurse and a student nurse. I pushed for about 40 minutes, which is pretty damn good for a first baby. It went quickly, though, and Todd kept me updated on how far the baby's head was sticking out. When he was almost out, a nurse popped her head in and said my mom was on the phone. Todd told her we would call her back. And then Garrett was born.

I had my eyes open and saw him and saw that he was a boy with a head full of black hair. They brought him to my chest immediately and I said, "Look, honey. It's our baby," over and over. He was holding his head up and looking around the room with a "What the hell..." look on his face. He had big brown eyes. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And then he pooped all over me.

The natural high I was on for so many hours after that will never be duplicated as long as I live. I was not tired, I was full of energy, I couldn't stop smiling. I nursed him for the first time and he was perfect at it. The family started coming to admire him. I was taken to another room and they took him for his first bath. Everyone was there. My brother was there with his 4-week old little girl. My dad took off work to be there. It was the greatest night of my life.

I had him stay in the nursery during the night, thinking that I could get some rest and they would just bring him to me when he was hungry. I didn't sleep at all, though. I was wide awake, replaying the entire thing over and over in my head. Every time I heard a bassinet being wheeled down the hall, my ears would perk up, hoping that it would be Garrett. If I could do it over again, I would have kept him in bed with me.

Before going to bed, I took a bath. I remember looking down at my sagging stomach, my sore breasts and shaky legs, and feeling like the most beautiful, lucky woman on earth.