The day started out normally; coffee, email, light box, music, pajamas... My grandma is in the hospital after a heart attack and I was planning on cleaning the house and going to see her before I met Todd at work for our date. Then I got a text message from my sister Mikel that said I better get up there soon because she was having trouble breathing. I got the kids and myself dressed and ready and we headed up to see her. I was afraid that she was dying. The family was in a large waiting room (this is the huge family from X-mas day). They had taken over the entire room, the refrigerator, the coffee pot, the cupboards, the jigsaw puzzle, the TV. All of them waiting around to see what will happen. My cousin Shelly took me to her room in the ICU and I saw her. Immediately I started to cry. She looked so unnatural laying there with a breathing tube in. It didn't look like her. I touched her hair and told her I was there. She was sedated, but I think she knew when we were there for her. We walked back to the waiting room and I had a large cup of strong coffee while visiting with some family. The boys were playing with my brother Travis and having fun. Mikel took Grace to a vending machine to buy her some fruit snacks. My dad took the boys on a little walk. I made myself a peanut butter sandwich.
Nothing had changed, and nothing was going to change. I felt like I could have saved a trip and waited. Before we left the hospital we took the kids down to see grandma. In the hallway Mikel reached for Grace and said, "Walk with me." Trying to repeat what she said, Grace said loud and clear: "Fuck me," in her adorable two-year old voice. Mikel and I tried our damnedest to hold back the laughter. I mean, God. What do you do? We saw grandma and the boys waited in the doorway, a little frightened maybe by all the tubes and strange people. I held Grace in my arms.
"Gamma sleeping?" Grace asked.
"Yes. Grandma's sleeping."
"Gamma jammies?"
"Yes. She's wearing her jammies."
We headed out the door and Grace looked back. "Bye bye gamma," she said with a little wave, over and over again as we walked away.
I took the kids all the way back the 45-minute drive, then got ready for my date with my husband. When the girl across the street arrived to babysit, I headed back to Rochester. I met Todd at work and we went to Billoti's to eat. We like to go there...it's delicious and really cheap. I had the pasta primavera. Usually I have the cheese ravioli but I'm trying to cut back on dairy, and I'm sure there's rennet in the cheese. After eating we ended up at a really sleazy bar because they had a semi-good band playing. It turned out the drummer was a kid I went to high school with. He played drums in my boyfriend's band. We sat in a tiny booth near the door, the only place to sit. I felt a little out of place in my flowery skirt, and my shirt that was showing absolutely no cleavage. But the music was pretty good. I had two drinks. There was a guy standing near us that I always see when I go to any bar (which is extremely rare). He plays in a band in Rochester. I knew him well in high school - he played in a band then and my cousin Buffy (yes, her real name) and I thought they were so great. We hung out with them at the mall. Buffy flirted with them, wore clothes that showed off her big boobs, ended up having sex with a couple of them (as the years went on). I was the dorky friend, completely ignored. That's OK. The only difference about Billy now is that he has a couple of kids and weighs a lot more. He still plays in a band, still smokes and drinks, still has long blond hair and a leather jacket, still has girls all around him for some reason. If he recognizes me he doesn't say anything. I find it sad. I said to Todd last night, "He's going to be 60 years old and still sitting there, drinking beer, his hair getting bald on top, probably gone gray." And it's true.
After a couple of drinks we left for home. On the way home it became midnight, and Todd called my cell phone to wish me a happy new year. I was listening to the Wallflowers "Nearly Beloved." I felt pretty sober. When I got home, though I was trying to figure out how long the babysitter had been there and how much to pay her and I couldn't think straight. My head was spinning. I was giggling. Todd and I were talking after he got home and then my cell phone rang. It was 1:00 am.
"Oh, god, it's my dad," I said. My grandma had died, I was sure that's why he was calling. I answered it with dread.
"Happy new year!" he said cheerfully.
He had beat me to it again.
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