Too Scary

This afternoon, Grace told me, "At preschool today, I ate peanut butter."

"What?"

"I did. It was yummy."

I am having trouble breathing. Even now.

Apparently some girl gave her M&Ms, and they were the ones with peanut butter in the middle. Grace didn't know. But she ate three of them.

Jesus H. Christ.

A newsletter was sent out for parents informing them that there are peanut allergies in both the a.m. and p.m. classes, so please do not send any snacks with peanut products. What were these things doing in the classroom?

For the first time, I feel completely and utterly helpless. I am not there to check her food for her or read the labels. She knows what her allergies are, but then something like this happens.

Nothing happened. She was fine. But I told her she can never take any food or candy from anyone because she doesn't know what's in it. I explained to her that if she were to have a bad reaction, she would need a shot, and would have to go to the hospital in an ambulance. I did not tell her this angrily or in an attempt to scare her, but because it's fair for her to know that. She's old enough to understand the consequences.

I feel like crying. I know that it's probably an overreaction, but I can't help it. She has never gone into anaphylactic shock, but that doesn't mean that she never will. I know that people see parents of kids with allergies as overprotective and hysterical, but Jesus, yeah, so what? It's kind of impossible not to be. There is nothing, NOTHING scarier than the fear of losing a child.

The teacher is getting an email from me, or else a phone call, Monday morning.