Miss Independent

Sometimes it's hard to believe that Grace is going to be five in a few short months. It's hard to believe because it seems like she was just a little thing that I held all the time and sewed diapers for. It's also hard because she acts like she's closer to twelve.

It is hitting me lately just how much she doesn't need me anymore. I know that she will always need me, and I know that she still depends on me and loves me, but still. Sometimes it's a relief that I don't have to take care of things for her. Sometimes it's sad.

The other night she took a bath, and refused to let me help her wash her hair. The only thing I'm good for is starting the water. A while later she came out of the bathroom in her pajamas, brushing her freshly washed hair. I stared at her, amazed at how grown up she looked. She looked at me. "Hi, mom!"

We went to a wedding dance last weekend and she headed off to the bathroom so I followed her. She went into a stall and told me to get away. "I don't need you!" she declared.

"Wipe your butt!" I called out as I left.

"I know!"

"Wash your hands!"

"OK! Go away!"

I'm okay with this, though. I am feeling a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in a long, long time. I am also enjoying this time when we are mother/daughter instead of mother/baby. She is her own person.

This has not always been fun, though. I was complaining about her at a recent family get-together. "She is so strong-willed, stubborn, fiercely independent..." I began.

My cousin grinned. "She takes after her mom," she said.

I stumbled there. I didn't know what to say. "Well...yeah, but...it's really annoying!!"

My cousin laughed. But it's true. It causes me unending stress that she thinks she can do whatever she wants and likes to scream and whine when things don't go her way. She has her own mind; she knows what she wants and what she likes. She thinks she's old enough to walk to the park by herself, but still demands that she sits in her old car seat that she has outgrown (okay, not by much). She doesn't want me to sit by her at the church while we are eating, but insists on sitting on my lap while I am trying to write an article. She goes to her own bedroom to sleep, but sometime in the night, she always sneaks in to my bed to curl up to me. She helps me pick out clothes, and isn't afraid to tell me that I look better without my glasses, or that my butt is a little big.

This is going to be an interesting ride...I hope I can hang on.