Food Propaganda

There is a very strong possibility that as of the first of the year, there will be a vegan food column in the county newspaper in this farming, meat-eating, dairy-worshiping part of the world.

Because I was bold (crazy? pretentious?) enough to make a Facebook comment in that regards, my editor, under the delusion that I am the bee's knees, has agreed.

The focus of my food column will not be to preach the vegan lifestyle, criticize people for eating meat, or talk about what goes on in a slaughterhouse. All of my recipes will be vegan, of course, but the focus is that they will be healthy, delicious, nutritious, scrumptious, colorful, flavorful, anything-but-boring.

There are a couple of obstacles to my column success. For one, what the heck am I going to call it? I am TERRIBLE at titles. Always have been. Just check out the titles of my blog posts. LAME. Every book I have ever written has just been affectionately referred to by the name of a main character. Once I wrote a book called "Norman." Right now I am writing "Michelle." The two short stories I have had published were called "Veronica" and "Molly." Seriously.

For another, does this mean I am going to have my effing picture next to every column? VOMIT.

And even more, what recipes will I share? Can I publish ones that I did not create as long as I say where they came from? I don't know the rules.

I am nervous, but excited. This could be my chance to slip some other things in there once in a while maybe not exactly related to food. Maybe it's my chance to get people thinking about eating healthy and how it doesn't have to be miserable and bland. Maybe someone will read it and start to think about food/nutrition/health in a different way. Maybe everyone will hate it. Maybe it will be located in the paper next to an article about the new meat processing plant/slaughterhouse/retail place going up in my town. (Seriously. You could go buy some hamburger while you hear the cows out back mooing and crying and screaming. Maybe it will be like a lobster tank and they will let you pick one out before you eat it.)

Anyway, the reason I am posting this here is that I think more people will see it. I need ideas for the name for my new column, coming in 2010. I'm begging you, I need help!