When I was a little kid, and my grandma still lived in the same state as me, I loved to sit on her bed with her and just talk. It was my favorite thing, and she still talks about it to this day. Now that I am grown up and she is nearby, I still love to do it.
Last weekend we were together for my uncle's birthday party. For about the fifth time that evening, I didn't know where Grace was. I looked all around the house and called her name before going in the house. She was in there with my grandma. She had asked my grandma to go in the house with her so they could sit on the bed and "just talk."
There have been many times that I have wondered if Grace has some sort of psychic connection to me. She has said things that have startled me, and has seemed to understand things. If I truly believed in that sort of thing (and the jury is still out on that one), I would say that she is definitely an Indigo child. Indigo children are highly intelligent, intuitive, strong-willed and confident, have a problem following rules and authority, and very sensitive to emotions and their environment, including foods. They appear wise beyond their years. Grace has exuded a sort of glow about her that has attracted people to her since she was born. Ever since I have been blessed to have her in my life, strangers have gone out of their way to approach me and tell me how beautiful she is or say something else about her. It has happened so often that it's almost funny. I look at her and I feel all warm and healed inside.
But then, maybe all parents have a connection to their children that cannot be explained, especially in their younger years when they need their mothers so much. Or maybe any two people who share such closeness, both physical and emotional, can read each other very well. Best friends and spouses can finish each other's sentences. Feel each other's emotions and just know what the other one is thinking and going to say. Maybe there's nothing paranormal about it. Maybe Grace just shares my trait of wanting to "just talk" sometimes.
I don't know.
Last night on the phone I told my grandma in an optimistic voice, "Well, maybe the chemo will help," but I didn't really feel it.
Do those connections transcend death?
I know that I am strong and can handle this, even though I don't want to. But how much will Grace understand? How will she process this in her little mind? How can I explain it to her when the day comes? What will I learn from her?
After I typed the word "indigo" this song immediately came to mind.
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