Purging

It seems like being a mother, along with the natural inclination to put my children first and foremost, before anything else, has been detrimental to every job I have had. THIS IS NOT FUCKING FAIR. How does any woman have a career, let alone a little job, while trying to be a good mom? It seems society does not make this possible. You have to choose one or the other.

Sometimes other people just really SUCK and I want to hide away from everyone, join a hippie commune, homeschool my kids, and live in my own little bubble.

I am working out regularly now, if only for the past week and a half or so. I found last night that it's getting easier every time, and next time I will try to go longer on the elliptical. It's possible that I may actually get into shape for the first time in many, many years.

I need to do some serious shopping for clothes. This means I want to hit the thrift shops, because I am so cheap I don't ever want to spend more than $10 on anything, ever. People at work joked one time about putting me on the show "What Not to Wear," and apparently they give you some money to spend on new clothes. I would still want to go to the thrift shops. I totally believe this is a result of my extremely poor childhood. I still have such a strong urge to save money. I'm still thrilled to have new clothes, even if they are used. I'm still thrilled out of my mind to be able to buy food whenever I want.

Yesterday I cleaned out my van. This was a huge undertaking, as it pretty much doesn't get done all winter. I picked up all the garbage, vacuumed for almost an hour, and wiped down the inside with vinegar and water. Grace helped me, and she really was a good helper. Then we went to the car wash to clean the outside. It feels so good to have a clean van again. It also feels good to see the sunshine again.